she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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