Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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