Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize