Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
