I met the friendliest cop last night
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
