A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
