Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
false alarm, still single
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
