This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
