I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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