Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize