I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
