I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
