Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I miss vodka workout Fridays
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
