I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize