Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I party with great urgency now.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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