I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize