Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
