Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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