Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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