She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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