I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize