if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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