she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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