she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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