Your face is a jimmy john
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
