There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
