does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
