Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
