what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
