Can i not drive my cunt home
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
