pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
