Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
