apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
