Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
