i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
