New invention idea: vibrating tampons
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
We just shotgunned beers for America
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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