fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize