I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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