I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
