Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
