my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Every concussion has its silver lining
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
