i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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