My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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