im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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