I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
