dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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