I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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