I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
