3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
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