Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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