dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize