you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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