If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
