fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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