I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
