that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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