Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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