i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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