if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Found your dick twin last night
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
