The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
