I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
