Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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