i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
We need to get me chipped asap
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
