I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
