Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
