Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize