I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Drunk is not a location!
Dick very happy bro
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
