i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize