turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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