Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
