just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The air was thick with penises
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
