I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
