so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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