I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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