Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
