I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
