I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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