I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
