Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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