He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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